We’ve has such a lot happen over the last month, and some of it was extremely positive, to counter the extremely negative.
But it always baffles me how the mind works. So I thought I would tell you about my Grandad. As for me, most nights I think about him still. In fact I think about both he and my Nana even though we lost here many years ago. I wonder if she’s looking after him like she used to.
I guess typically of anyone who has lost someone they love, my days are busy. With photography and spending time with my son I have a lot going on in my day. Sometimes far too much.
But at night that all goes away, and I will often spend time before I finally fall asleep, thinking about my grandparents.
Both of them were lost to me so suddenly and both I felt like there was still so much to say, so much to do. So it feel like they need to be here still to hear me and to be there for my kids and I.
It’s like the end of an era with my Grandad passing and it hit home that my children won’t get what I was so very lucky to get as I was growing up. A childhood that revolved around the beach. Family. Friends. Casual days and nights where the rules were lax and there was no stress.
Life is so different now. I can remember being 8 or 9 and wandering the bay wild. We went wherever we wanted and did kid things. Climbing rocks, swimming, playing with friends, exploring the bays.
And when we left in the morning, we’d always say where we were heading right then. But who knew where we would wind up by days end. It could be anywhere. But we’d always come home for food – as if you missed mealtime, you missed out!
Grandad was always around. If we needed him, we could find him. At home, or at the beach… and he always seemed to know where we had been, even when we didn’t realise it. I still wonder how he knew, when there were no cellphones, and no way of contacting people other than walking around or calling and hoping you were at someones house who had a phone…. But he never put a lot of pressure on us as to telling us where we were and weren’t allowed. We could go anywhere in the bay we could walk – if we weren’t too busy playing at home – Grandads.
Bedtime was after dark…… If you got home early enough you got a story about the talking fish! Waking up was going into Grandad’s room and piling into his bed to listen to the morning radio story shows and Buzz-O-Bumble.
As I got older, we got into fishing, snorkelling, going out in the boats… enjoying hanging out with Grandad more. And I’m so grateful that I did.
Because my kids will miss that, although both of them have had a good share of Grandad’s time of late, I wish it had been more.
I am grateful that A got to spend weekends with Grandad. She was the last of the grandkids to go and stay with Grandad and that makes me sad and happy at the same time.
I’m also grateful that while it breaks my heart that R won’t remember Grandad in the years to come, as he’s only four. At least he spent a day with him out of every few months since he was born (thanks Mum!) and that we have so many photos of Grandad and him. He will I hope, remember the funeral and his goodbye’s to Grandad.
But again, most of the memories now, will be based around the photos I am lucky to have and the things that I remember.
I wish life wasn’t so unfair and it didn’t keep taking away those we love most, but then in some ways, I know that home was lost when Grandad moved to Palmerston North and away from the beach he loved. And I know that life changed so much for him in later years. I hope that wherever he is now, he’s happy and there is a beach for him……
Rest in peace Grandad. You will always be my hero and I will always remember.