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Recipe : The One and Only Kiwi Lolly Cake

This has been the subject of many giggles tonight!

You see, Lolly Cake was invented in New Zealand and is a national treasure if I ever came across one!
There are a million different versions of it online, but none are as good as the original!
Lots of people have tried to ‘americanise’ it but I will guarantee you, it will suck!
You see, ingredients in America suck. I’m sorry to all my american friends, but I’m calling it as I see it.
You just can’t substitute the real thing and you just can’t buy the right ingredients in the states, unless you can find one of those super rare specialty stores… or you could order online…. or you could bribe a Kiwi to bring you some over on their next visit!

You see, Malt Biscuits have a taste unmatched by ANY other biscuit. So you can’t substitute them.
If you can’t get em. Don’t make it.

I’m going to put the recipe here in all it’s glory and I’m telling you now, this is the most divine and awesome, no bake slice recipe!
Try it for yourself!

Lolly Cake


  • 120 grams of butter
  • 250 grams of malt biscuits (one packet) !!!!NO SUBSTITUTIONS!!!!
  • 180 grams of Fruit Puffs (one packet)
  • 1/2 tin condensed milk
  • A cup or two of shredded coconut
  1. Collect up all your ingredients and put them on the kitchen bench.
  2. Place hand over heart, and sing God Defend New Zealand.
    This is an essential step, and people can tell if you haven’t done it when they taste the lolly cake – gospel according to A Natural History of Lolly Cake . I believe them, so make sure you don’t skip this part.
  3. Grab yourself a saucepan and put it over an element with a low heat and melt the butter. Stirring continuously. Once the butter has melted, then pour in the condensed milk and keep stirring until it’s mixed together and smooth and runny.
    Then take it off the element and give it time to cool.
    You want it as cool as you can get it, because if it melts the Fruit Puffs, they go soggy and weird.
  4. While the butter mix cools…….
    It’s smashing time!!!!
    From experience, I like to divide the Malt Biscuits into three portions.I make each of the three portions a different texture. One super smooth and total crumbs, you want more of this than the others….. The second portion grainy and the third portion quite chunky.
    You can do this any way you like, one way is using a potato masher in a bowl….
    Some people have reported good results with putting the biscuits in a plastic bag and smacking it into the bench, but I find the sharp bits of biscuit tend to rip open the bag, leading to unpleasantness and coughing according to A Natural History of Lolly Cake .
  5. Next chop up the fruit puffs.
    Not too small.
    I reckon cutting each one about in half is about right, but you can just throw them in whole if you are lazy like me. They get cut up when you slice it anyway.
  6. Put the fruit puffs in the bowl with the biscuit crumbs and pour in the cooled butter and condensed milk mixture.
    Now, some will tell you to stir them together with a wooden spoon and continue until well mixed.
    But I tell you, doing it with a spoon, just won’t cut the mustard! It’s virtually impossible to do and do a good job, so stop being a wimp and get your hands in there!!!!
    Use your whole hand, and put your back into it! Get squishing, and mashing with your hands until the whole bowl is wet and squishy.
    Tip it out of the bowl and get into it on the benchtop and roll it into a log shape, about 2-3 inches across.
  7. Spread some coconut out on the bench, and put the mixture on top.
    Roll the log around until it has coconut all over the outside and feels dry to the touch. Press the coconut into the log with your hands to get good coverage.
    You can make any shape you like, but log’s are really where it’s at.
  8. Next, is the last step in the process.Place on a tray in the fridge to set. You want to leave it at least a few hours, but overnight is the best.
    After that, cover the lolly cake with glad wrap to prevent it drying out too much and slice it as you want to serve it so that it lasts longer!
    If you slice it all at once, keep it in an airtight container in the fridge but remember it won’t last more than a few days….
    However, if your house is like mine, it won’t matter anyway. It doesn’t last more than a day here!

So there you go, you have successfully made Lolly Cake!

I hope it’s as popular in your house as it is in mine…
I usually actually double this recipe, or I don’t get any!

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21/08/2010 at 7:20 am
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